How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
