Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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