you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I only lived at night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They have beer where we have blood.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
