As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
where are my eyebrows?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
