Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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