there's paper in my vomit.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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