i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
