i jhust puked up my retainher.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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