i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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