Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
