I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
