Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize