I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
