You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
