Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
