For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's never too late to be topless.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
soo... how was my night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
