Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
