i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
