Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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