and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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