People in love make me want to vomit
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I would ride that face into the sunset
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