How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
