I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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