i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
