I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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