Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
