he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
