There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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