Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
