whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
