Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
