I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
