I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
