I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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