i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
