Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize