Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
