how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
