it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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