When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
