dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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