The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
