ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
