How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's always time for handjobs
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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