HIV tests are more positive than that guy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
