How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
