Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
