Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
