Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
