What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
