I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
