I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
