I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
