i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
