Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize