I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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