you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
