I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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