I wish I only lived at night.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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