You're my little dorito
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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