she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
