in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
