My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
