I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize