New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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