It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
