I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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