Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
