I CAN MOONWALK!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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