I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
