Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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