Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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