2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
