i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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