I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
